Laura Kay House's Blog

Most of us know from experience that having good friends can make our lives richer, but research now shows that our friends may also increase our longevity.  An interesting added conclusion is that the same isn’t true for our relatives.  

A study reported in the British Medical Journal suggests that friends not family may be a more important factor in helping those age 55+ to live longer. Study participants were asked in the beginning of the study about how much personal and phone contact they had with their various social networks, including children, relatives, friends, and confidants. In all about 1500 people participated in the study. Their survival rates were monitored over a 10 year period.  

Close ties with children and other family members appeared to have no impact on longer survival rates. But, for those participants with a very strong personal network of close friends and confidents, survival rates were much higher than those with weaker ties to friends. While factors such as socioeconomic status, health, and lifestyle were figured into the results, the outstanding factor appeared to be the network of friends. The positive effects of friendships on longevity continued throughout the decade, regardless of other profound life changes such as the death of a spouse or other close family members.

Why would a strong network of friends make such a difference?

• Friends operate on a different level than family. The authors of the report speculated that friends may encourage friends to take better care of themselves-by excercising for example, or seeking medical treatment earlier for symptoms that may indicate serious problems.
•  Friends of the same age may understand your point of view or where you are in your life vs. a family member who might be younger.  Friends may also help friends get through difficult times in their lives, if they have been in a similar situation by offering coping mechanisms and having a positive effect on mood and self-esteem.
• Friends also can make friends laugh, provide company and help fight isolation where children or other younger family members may be busy with work, marriage and/or children. The older adult may feel like a burden.  This feeling is not as common with a friend.
• Family ties are often maintained out of a sense of obligation, while friendships are a matter of choice. 

People with extensive networks of good friends and confidantes outlived those with the fewest friends.  The positive effects of friendships on longevity continued throughout the decade, regardless of other profound life changes such as the death of a spouse or other close family members.  Close relationships with children and relatives had little effect on longevity rates for mature adults during the 10-year study.  Neither the study nor the report suggests that family ties are unimportant to older adults, only that they seem to have little effect on survival and longevity.

“You get by with a little help from your friends” as the Beatles song goes, seems to prove true. Socializing, friendships and connecting with others is vital to health and longevity.  So, take up a new activity, join a group, get out there and get involved. These types of activities will bring you into contact with many people who share the same interests and could become friends for an even longer life. 

Contribution by S. O’Brien

Laura Kay House, MA, is the founder and owner of Silver Connections, located in the Triangle area of North Carolina. Silver Connections provides numerous socializing opportunities through events and travel, quality members and connections for age 55+, active and single adults. 

http://www.silverconnections.org

 Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”    Brian Tracy 

It is a scary for many to step out of what they are comfortable with and  try something new.  To leave their safe place and what they are used to, can be an upsetting thought.   But, it is only by challenging ourselves to do things we haven’t done before, that we will grow.  Whether it be driving to somewhere we have never been before, taking up a new sport, taking on a different job or joining a social club and meeting all new people, it is about embracing opportunities and situations that arise in our daily lives. Through those experiences we grow and increase the circumference of where we are comfortable. Our comfort zone increases and our lives become richer, more fulfilling and we can achieve happiness that otherwise we never would have experienced.

When you are stuck in your comfort zone or in fear, then you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people and your life may not be as full as it could be.

I know many people struggle with “coming out of their shell” when they engage socially. An individual may be confident and outgoing in a one on one setting but shy, timid and nervous in a more public or social setting.  It is often more difficult for someone who is recently single, because of divorce or death, and understandably afraid to get back out there and meet new people. Or, they may have been single for a while and have gotten comfortable with their routine and to step out of that comfort zone takes effort.

If you are nervous or feel awkward in social situations or not knowing anyone in a group, take small steps. Steps like first just saying hi to people. Introduce yourself.  Realize that everyone has felt uncomfortable at one time or another meeting new people. And being more involved in conversations will exercise conversation muscles. After a while those things will feel more comfortable. And so you can expand your comfort zone a little bit more.

You will gradually desensitize yourself to social situations or whatever you are uncomfortable with.  Realize it can be fun to get out of your comfort zone despite what your mind and feelings might be telling you before you get started. Think back to the previous times when you have broken out of your comfort zone. Focus on the positive memories, when you got out there, when you took a chance. And you will probably remember that it wasn’t so bad, it was actually fun and exciting and something new to you.

Since going outside what you are comfortable with feels scary, most people spend their whole lives inside it. They emotionally don’t dare to go outside it, into unfamiliar territory.  To be able to move towards what you want, you really have to become dissatisfied with your current situation.  Ask yourself how your boundaries are limiting your life today?  How is this barrier keeping you from being truly happy?  

Socializing, having friends, interacting with new people and having a full life is important to the overall picture of healthy aging.  With the holidays approaching, it is a good time to take that step outside of what is comfortable.  Live your life now. There is a wonderful world out there and a new life is just around the corner!

Laura Kay House, MA, is the founder and owner of Silver Connections, located in the Triangle area of North Carolina. Silver Connections provides numerous socializing opportunities through events and travel, quality members and connections for age 55 “and better”, active and single adults.

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In the quest for better health, many people turn to doctors, self-help books or herbal supplements. But, they overlook a powerful weapon that could help them fight illness and depression, speed recovery, slow aging and prolong life: friends.

Researchers are only now starting to pay attention to the importance of friendship and social networks in overall health. A 10-year Australian study found that those age 55+, with a large circle of friends, were 22 percent less likely to die during the study period than those with fewer friends. And last year, Harvard researchers reported that strong social ties could promote brain health as we age.

“In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. “There is just so much documented  on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship actually has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.”

Bella DePaulo, a visiting psycholgy professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, whose work focuses on single people and friendships, notes that in many studies, friendship has an even greater effect on health than a spouse or family member. In a major study of nurses with breast cancer, having a spouse wasn’t associated with survival, but having good friends was.

While many friendship studies focus on the intense relationships of women, some research shows that men can benefit, too. In a six-year study of 736 middle-age Swedish men, attachment to a single person didn’t appear to affect the risk of heart attack and fatal coronary heart disease, but having friendships did. Only smoking was as important a risk factor as lack of social support.

Exactly why friendship has such a big effect isn’t entirely clear. While friends can run errands and pick up medicine for a sick person, the benefits go well beyond physical assistance. Friendship clearly has a profound psychological effect. People with strong friendships are less likely than others to get colds, perhaps because they have lower stress levels.

Last year, researchers studied 34 random individuals at the University of Virginia, taking them to the base of a steep hill and fitting them with a weighted backpack. They were then asked to estimate the steepness of the hill. Some participants stood next to friends during the exercise, while others were alone.

The individuals who stood with friends gave lower estimates of the steepness of the hill. And the longer the friends had known each other, the less steep the hill appeared.

“People with stronger friendship networks feel like there is someone they can turn to,” said Karen A. Roberto, director of the center for gerontology at Virginia Tech. “Friendship is an undervalued resource. The consistent message of these studies is that friends make your life better.”

By Tara Pope

 Laura Kay House, MA, is the founder and owner of Silver Connections, located in the Triangle area of North Carolina. Silver Connections provides numerous socializing opportunities through events and travel, quality members and connections for age 55+, active and single adults. 

http://www.silverconnections.org

Today’s age 55+ adult is living many more years than in the past and wants to be active and involved. Gone are the days of sitting in a   rocking chair on the front porch or just playing bingo every Friday night.  Even so, you may feel that your social life is in a bit of a rut.  Are you feeling like you’re doing the same old things with the same old people?  Do you feel that your weekends need to be filled with some new people and things to do?

If your goal is to meet more people, new people or different types of people, you might consider taking a class or volunteering. These are great ways to shake up your activities and expose yourself to new ideas and new individuals. If you’re really feeling risky, take the class alone (or you can sign up with one of your friends) or volunteer some place completely different than you might have otherwise considered. There’s nothing like a total change of venue to open up your social opportunities.

Are you used to socializing with the same group of people and feel like your social life is in the doldrums?  Perhaps you can try  joining a new group and meeting all new people.  Maybe become a member of a socializing group that has activities you like.  Book club, walking group, visiting art museums, dining, the symphony….whatever you prefer. This is a good way to meet others who share your interests.

If the people with whom you socialize are looking pretty homogenous–that can get pretty boring also.  Especially if you’ve been hanging out with the same people for years or decades. Socializing with the people you work with or live near can be fun, but also might be too much time together. Or, if you are always the organizer and no one else seems to want to help plan activities- that gets old as well.  Consider making some new friends which can really spice up your social life and help you expand your world and experiences.

Above all, try new things- volunteer, join an activities group and try new restaurants, cultural venues in your area, day trips, longer weekends, maybe even take a vacation or group tour that you’ve been putting off. Just by looking around your community, you will likely find opportunities to shake things up and try new things. The more socially-involved these activities are, the more likely you are to meet new people and experience different sorts of social interactions.

By being open, creative, and adventuresome, soon you’ll feel as though your social life has been energized and invigorated. But, you’ve got to make the effort…. become proactive and get outside your typical routine!  It a takes a little effort, but is well worth it in the end!

Contributing Writer:  Kori Irons

Laura Kay House, MA, is the founder and owner of Silver Connections, located in the Triangle area of North Carolina. Silver Connections provides numerous socializing opportunities through events and travel, quality members and new connections for age 55+, active and single adults.

http://www.silverconnections.org