Age 55+ And The Single Life

Having friends, married or not, is a blessing in everyone’s life, but for the single, age 55+ adult, having a circle of friends that are also single will create balance, socializing opportunities and enable fun activities.

Doing things on the spur of the moment can pose a major issue for married friends, while it is more likely that single friends will jump at the chance to join in some fun with another single friend without hesitation.

Old friends are a treasure to have, but when single, it is best to have an assortment of single friends also who share similar interests and have the time and energy to learn and pursue some new ones with you.

For instance, there are vacation spots that cater to single people in various age groups, from cruises where singles mingle, to travel adventures that include rock climbing or parasailing.  These vacations are a lot of fun and create great memories.  These experiences will always be more enjoyable when shared with single friends that are just as excited and open about exploring new destinations and meeting new people. 

Single friends typically take their personal time for granted, while married friends are always “on the clock” because their time away from their spouse may be limited.  It is also a rarity when a married adult would even want to take a vacation that does not include his/her spouse.

Single people need each other because they understand the reasons for being single and reinforce and appreciate the lifestyle. Single friends know the difference between being lonely and living alone. Just like single parents need to connect with others in the same situation for company and support or couples seek the company of other couples for dining and entertainment, single adults need the same kind of support and companionship.

A circle of close single friends can be a life-line of support for when days are difficult, understand your situation and can be great social companions to share fun activities. Having friends that are married can also be very enjoyable, but their schedules seldom allow for spontaneity or visiting at odd hours.  Their weekends are normally spent with their spouse. Financially, age 55+ adults also tend to have fewer responsibilities towards others, which makes it possible to enjoy activities that make them happy.

The final component about being a single, age 55+ adult deals with dating.  A single adult needs single friends to find like-minded partners.  The process of meeting others is a lot easier with single friends then married ones. Single 55+ adults schedules tend to be flexible when it comes to meeting new people and developing new romantic interests.

Whether because of divorce, widowhood or just choosing to be single, the single life can offer a variety in activities and quite a bit of personal time to develop interests and skills. Traveling, continuing education, joining a group to meet new friends, hobbies or simply being able to read a great book without interruptions or demands.  Being single by choice or by circumstance can ultimately lead to a fulfilling, happy and active life!

Article originally by Olivia Elisar with additions by Laura Kay House

Laura Kay House, MA, is the founder and owner of Silver Connections, located in the Triangle area of North Carolina. Silver Connections provides numerous socializing opportunities through events and travel, quality members and new connections for age 55+, active and single adults.

http://www.silverconnections.org

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Happiness Spread Through Social Groups

      NIA-funded researchers have found that happiness is not an isolated  phenomenon, unique to an individual, but rather spreads through social networks. Using data from the Framingham Heart Study, Drs. Nicholas Christakis of Harvard Medical School and James Fowler of the University of California, San Diego examined how social ties influence individuals’ mood and sense of well-being. They found that people who are involved in social groups and surrounded by happy people are more likely to be happy themselves.

The researchers looked at the happiness of nearly 5,000 individuals in the Framingham cohort during a period of 20 years. They found that one person’s happiness triggers a chain reaction that benefits not only their friends, but those they engage with.

The closer a friend lives to a person, the stronger the effect. As distance increases, the effect decreases. This explains why friends who are neighbors or those who see each other often through a social group, have an effect, but those who live far away, often do not.

Social organizations also give individuals activities to look forward to and the anticipation of being with others and connecting.  This can be a great way to ward of depression and the feeling of being isolated.  And, laughter shared with others, can have a most positive effect. 

People having comfortable social relationships – lots  of positive communications with others and social involvement – were 50 percent less likely to be ill compared to those who had infrequently social support. The study shows that social relations have a longevity effect tantamount to quitting smoking.  This is further evidence of how important social groups, friendship and happiness are to our health.

Laura Kay House, MA, is the founder and owner of Silver Connections, located in the Triangle area of North Carolina. Silver Connections provides numerous socializing opportunities through events and travel, quality members and new connections for age 55+, active and single adults.

http://www.silverconnections.org

 

These Things I Wish for You

If you have read the following essay before, you may attribute it to Paul Harvey.  However, Mr. Harvey did not write it.  The true author is Lee Pitts, who had it published in the 2000 “Chicken Soup For The Golden Soul” collection.

Paul Harvey used this particular essay (crediting Pitts) during a September 6, 1997 broadcast. Listeners loved it and it has since become a classic and been passed between grandparent to grandchild, parent to child, friend to friend.

 

THESE THINGS I WISH FOR YOU

“We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I’d like better. I’d really like them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in, I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it’s all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he’s scared, I hope you let him. I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don’t ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won’t be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom. If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like. May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove, and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole. I don’t care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don’t like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend. I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays. I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor’s window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand. These things I wish for you – tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it’s the only way to appreciate life.”

Caregiving And The Importance Of A Social Network

When a person takes on the responsibility of taking care of an ill family member, it is a job that can very easily consume them.  The most common caregivers are ones that take care of a sick parent or spouse.  

Caregiving can be stressful and may contribute to serious depression. A substantial body of research shows that family members who provide care to individuals with chronic or disabling conditions are themselves at risk. Emotional, mental, and physical health problems arise from complex caregiving situations and the strains of caring for an ill relative.

The child or spouse is immersed in their family member’s illness and they can easily feel a sense of isolation.  Caregiver burn-out is common and it is important to avoid this sense of aloneness.  

Socializing with others can have a positive effect on caregiver stress. Arrangements can be made for the caregiver to take a break from caregiving to attend socializing events, possibly be enlisting the help of other family members, friends or a daycare center.  Socializing is vital to relieve stress and possible caregiver depression.

The positive effects of socializing include:

Having social activities to look forward to give a caregiver something to see in the future beyond the day to day chores.

Spending time with people helps ward off loneliness and knowing one is not all alone helps with stress.

Having people who enjoy your company and consider you a friend, reinforces your feeling of being a good person to spend time with.     

Attending a movie, theater production, book club or other activity, takes a caregiver’s mind off of responsibilities and focuses on another interest they may have.

Dining with a group of people who are happy and enjoying fun conversation, proves that laughter can be the best medicine!   

Engaging with others can stimulate thoughts and clear one’s mind.

Meeting others who are also caregivers or who have been caregivers in the past, who can offer support and advice.

Caretaking is not something that has to be taken on solely alone. Just because an individual is taking care of an ill parent or spouse does not mean that interaction with others has to stop.  This is the time that caregivers need a social network and connections more than ever.